Induction of Rodney Greaves as Southington Rotary Club President
Well,
folks – you saw it with your own eyes…….John Ryan, a fallen President…..it’s
sad really, for he came to office with such lofty ideals…….Yet he became
intoxicated with the power of the office…….and abused that power…..abused us,
really…….and he, therefore left office in disgrace…..as did Nixon and McKnerney
and Parsons before him……But we cannot dwell on these .we must learn from these
difficult life lessons.
So
we turn to……….Ron Graves?????????……..Who
is this guy? What does he
represent? What is his agenda? Can he lead us out of our ideological
darkness into the light of our Rotary ideals?…….What's up with those
shirts?????????????
Perhaps we should take a
closer look
Review
of new cabinet (yes, it is a cabinet!!!!)
·
Treasurer Delores Fanelli - ok, ok enough with the hat thing!!!! Artsy type…that's always trouble……publishes
a well-known left-wing (some would call it subversive) weekly newsletter….
·
Secretary Nancy Dishereits -
innocent-looking, but extremely dangerous;
as treasurer, she cleverly designed her monthly reports so as to
completely confuse the membership, some say,
to cover up the sinister deeds of the previous administration.
·
Vice-President Leslie Cotton - subversive
type; has record of infiltrating governmental organizations and wreaking havoc
by expanding services and public access – anyone that progressive must be up to
no good……watch her!!!
·
President Rod Greaves - The king is
dead! Long live the king!!!
Rotary International Intelligence has
forwarded to us a dossier on this sinister-looking, sartorial horrorshow. It
reads, in part, as follows:
1. A/k/a
"RON GRAVES"…..few people know why…..fewer care
2. Redhaired
- suspicion of 'touching up' to support his self-image of matinee idol
3. Perhaps
a pound or two over his campaign-listed weight of 155 lbs.
4. Shameless
craver of publicity - example, always acting up in the presence of the media in order to get his picture in the
paper
5. New
Britain slumlord with a number of rat-infested properties owned together with
reputed mobster Stephen Parsons, the Yugo automobile magnate
6. Is
rumored to have a serious madras fetish
7. Secretly
refers to the all-female members of his administration as "the dishes in
his cabinet."
8. Given
to dressing as either a lawn chair or as a as brightly colored ice-cream parlor
awning.
9.
As
a suck-up to visiting Rotary dignitaries, makes legendary brown-noser Bill
Taylor look like Don Rickles. (Rod has
recently stated that incoming District Governor, TOM VORHEES has been the most influential person in his life!)
A
look at some of the proposed planks in President Ron Graves' platform for the
upcoming year:
1.
Secretly
really likes the “big turkey sandwich
lunch” and has asked Teresa to have it twice as often in the coming year.
2.
Proposes
to make Steve Parsons the official finer
for his entire term, thereby
thwarting the weekly Greaves/Parsons picture-in-the-paper fine. However, this may not be a legal maneuver,
according to Club legal counsel Joe (NO, this is NOT a football helmet)
DePaolo, citing Rotary Rule 87-7B, which states, in part, that " when a
shared slumlord relationship exists between a Club President and another member
of the same Club, it is inadvisable to have co-exist between the same parties a
relationship of President/Official Finer -
for obvious reasons"
3. He
wants a real microphone to go along with the podium's microphone holder,
regardless of the cost!
4. Wants
to honor our women Rotarians with an annual "Chicks in Rotary"
luncheon
5. Plans
to pressure Bob Morton to diversify the Rotary Trust investment portfolio,
possibly into real estate…..perhaps certain rat-invested real estate in New
Britain.
6. Will
propose skipping the annual dues to Rotary District 7890 and instead take a
flyer on a really big powerball jackpot….when questioned about the wisdom of
such and act, he defiantly says…HEY, YOU NEVER KNOW!!!!
There you have it. He is not our ideal candidate, but
he's all we've got right now and we must support him!! Please give up a lukewarm Rotary welcome to our new president, Rod Greaves!
John Kennedy, Presenter
