2002 Southington Rotary Golf Scramble

The 6th annual Southington Rotary Golf Scramble was held Wednesday, July 24, 2002 at Pine Valley Golf Club.

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2002 Annual Installation Dinner at the Mountain Room - 6/21/02

Incoming Officers:

Dolores Fanelli, President

Dan Daigle, Vice President

Victoria Triano

John Salerno, Treasurer

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Murder Mystery Cocktail Fundraiser at Carol Grant's House - 6/7/02

Who Put the Eccentric on Ice?

The year is 1953, and the unthinkable has happened! That most popular of private eyes, that gastronomic gumshoe himself, the famous Neron Volt has been murdered in his Manhattan brownstone. Gasp! Who could have committed such a deplorable deed? _ more...

Rotary Club of Southington, 2001 Apple Harvest Booth Awards

Once in a great while, an event occurs which is of such stature that it cannot be ignored.  The Southington Rotary Apple Harvest Booth semi-standing awards committee felt that this year we experienced one such event, and we are here to.....honor it?

I must point out that in the history of the Rotary Apple Harvest Booth, going back to....well, a long, long time... one event stands above all others.  Let me take you back a few years.  It’s late afternoon on the last day of the festival and Rotary has decided to begin dismantling the booth – floors must be unscrewed and disassembled according to some secret formula known only to John Ryan, fryolaters must be emptied and cleaned, refrigerators must be wrestled.

But before that, because the Fritter Booth next door was still doing a brisk business, the crew is in their pre-dismantle relaxation mode -  John Kennedy and Steve Parsons sharing a cola in the front, John ‘Curly’ Mullett going around back to check the propane tanks.   After fiddling around with the propane for a bit, Curly must have muttered out loud, “There seemed to be a leak here and what happens if this thing blows up!” 

All of a sudden all hell breaks loose! Panic sets in at the Fritter Booth!  Workers yelling and screaming, bodies FLYING out of the booth as Messrs Parson/Kennedy look on with bewilderment.  Curly appears around front and announces understatedly that he thinks there might be a problem as the sounds of fire/police sirens and screaming people fleeing for there lives, fill the early Autumn evening air.  Steve Parsons suggests that this might be a wonderful time to hand in the remaining tokens, and the committee conveniently disappears into the crowd.  Legend has it that only a heroic effort by Pauline Levesque saved the Rotary Club from being banished from the Festival forever.  John ‘Curly’ Mullett to this day is forbidden to be anywhere near the propane tanks.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I’d like you all to greet warmly the Southington Rotary Club Apple Harvest Booth Hall of Fame’s only current member – John ‘Curly’ Mullett!!!!

Fast forward to 2001.  The location is different now – churches are not at risk.  We no longer sell grinders or chicken fingers.  But the Southington Rotary spirit remains.  The booth has been set up, refrigerators have been wrestled into place and, on this wonderful Friday afternoon, we are putting on the final touches in preparation for the Festival’s opening.  I, as a seasoned observer (not to be confused with a seasoned curlyfry), am up in the front of the booth doing what I do best – observing.  Ummmm....i observe, fries in exchange for fritters....fries in exchange for chili......and are these wild pigs really officers of the law?    I ponder............

Ron Graves and Charlie Cocuzza are testing the fryolators......seasoned veterans making sure that our famous fries (small order- two tokens, large order-same size, larger container-four tokens) are cooked to perfection.

I hear in the background “Rod, this flame went out, I’m going to light it again.”  Distracted by some passersby, I continue to observe and ponder.....look at the....when BOOM!.....my heart leaps from my chest!  I think I’m having a heart attack!....Gathering myself, I turn around.......Charlie is standing there with a look of shock and amazement, but seems ok.....I turn to Rod......my immediate thoughts go to Santa Claus in the off-season.....covered head to toe with soot!.....hair, eyebrows, ....he looks dazed.....so I can’t tell if anything is wrong – he always looks that way......I yell, “Rod, are you ok,”  not knowing whether to laugh or cry......concerned for Rod’s safety...knowing that he’s in charge of the booth this weekend and not wanting to have to take his place......

Suddenly, to my relief, Charlie and Rod, in the best spirit of Rotary, each start blaming the other for the near-catastrophe, calling the other careless and incompetent.  Kyong Wilson, a fellow observer, rushes in to cool down  the two hot-tempered young bucks, as I thought to myself – Curly, I think we have two winners here!!!!

Ladies and Gentlemen – please welcome the latest inductees into the Southington Rotary Apple Harvest Booth Hall of Fame – Charlie Cocuzza and Rod Greaves!!!!!

2001 Apple Harvest Booth Hall of Fame Inductees

Previous Inductees:

• John 'Curly' Mullett

Current Inductees:

• Charlie Cocuzza
  
• Rod Greaves (a/k/a Ron Graves)

Induction presentation by
Hall of Fame committee chair, John A. Kennedy, Jr. - here...

The "legendary" Carnac the Magnificent skit

Presented at the Southington Rotary Club's annual installation dinner on June 9, 2000 with John Kennedy as Johnny Carson's Carnac and Bill Taylor as Ed McMahon.  It was a noble effort, but it was legendary in how badly it came off.  Trust us, you had to be there.

 

1.  ANSWER.  Cyclone

QUESTION.  What do you get when you clone a guy named Cy?

  

2. ANSWER.  Skalliwags.

QUESTION.  What does Tom McKnerney’s skalli do when it’s happy?

3.          ANSWER:  A, B, C, D, E, F, G

 Question:  Dr. Blumer, can you tell us some of the earlier versions of Preparation H?

4.  ANSWER.  John Karcz

QUESTION.  What will you find impounded at police headquarters the day after a crackdown on prostitution?

5.  ANSWER.  Bible belt.

QUESTION.  What holds up Dave Stroshal’s trousers?

6.         ANSWER.  The plane, boss!...The plane!!

 QUESTION.  What did Richard Corcoran exclaim when Trish Walden asked which kind of M&M’s he wanted.

  

7.  ANSWER.  The gas chamber

 QUESTION.  Describe Pauline Levesque’s office after a hearty Rotary lunch of franks and beans.

 8.  ANSWER.  John Ryan, John Mullett, John Kennedy

            QUESTION.  Name a surly, a curly, and a “shirley”

9.  ANSWER.  Murder, she wrote.

 QUESTION.  Leslie, some thoughts about how to reward Rod Greaves for the job he did this year as President of the Rotary Club?

10.  ANSWER.  Bob Morton, Nanci Jaros and George Costanzo

QUESTION.  Name a lender, a sender and a bender

11.           ANSWER.  Hell if I know

 QUESTION.  What do you get when you cross an elephant with a rhinocerous?            (Elephino)

12.  ANSWER.  Easter, Navy, and Olmstead

 QUESTION.  Name three seals (Ceil).

13.  ANSWER.  There will be hell toupee!!

 QUESTION.  What will happen if Satan ever loses his hair?

14.  ANSWER.  Rosy red cheeks

 QUESTION.  Ms. Walstrom, what do you feel was the your biggest benefit from our recent fireside chat?

15.           ANSWER:  The BIG ten

 QUESTION. What might you call the five finalists in the Miss Rotary Contest?

16.           Answer:  911

 Question:  How do you call for room service at the Parsons/Greaves luxury hotel in beautiful downtown New Britain?

17.           Answer:  Dave Stroshal, Vicki Triano and Steve Parsons

 Question:  Name three parsons

18.           Answer:  Nice Rack!

 Question:  Name a common response to the opening of a bridal shower gift.

19.           Answer:  Numbers are my friends.

 Question:  What was Treasurer Dolores Fanelli’s final dazed, pre-impeachment uttering to the IRS.

20.           Answer:  New Tower of Babel

 Question:  What are the naysayers calling the Florian/Coccuzza Renaissance skyscraper planned for downtown Southington.

Rejected answers

• He who lives in a glass house should not invite he who is without sin for dinner. 
• Today is the last day of your life – so far. 
• Contrary to popular opinion, there’s nothing wrong with sex on TV – as long as you don’t fall off. 
• Red meat is bad for you.  Fuzzy green meat is even worse!

“Glib” Carnac Responses

1.        May the bird of paradise fly up your sister’s hoop skirt.

2.        May the sands of time nestle into your Chicken Francais.

3.    May you be forced to visit a near-sighted proctologist.

4.    May a diseased yak squat in your hot tub.

5.    May Shaquille O’Neill slam-dunk your favorite cat.

6.    May a weird holy man drop a cactus down your shorts.

Southington Bandstand Project - dedicated 9/8/99

In celebration of its 50th anniversary (1948-1998), the Southington Rotary Club decided to spearhead a campaign to raise funds to purchase a self-contained mobile stage unit that would be donated to the Town of Southington for use by the Parks and Recreation Department. Research by John Kennedy pointed to this unit as being something the Parks and Recreation Department wanted for years, but could never fit into their budget. More...

Rotary Club of Southington, 1999 Annual Installation Dinner

Induction of Rodney Greaves as Southington Rotary Club President

Well, folks – you saw it with your own eyes…….John Ryan, a fallen President…..it’s sad really, for he came to office with such lofty ideals…….Yet he became intoxicated with the power of the office…….and abused that power…..abused us, really…….and he, therefore left office in disgrace…..as did Nixon and McKnerney and Parsons before him……But we cannot dwell on these .we must learn from these difficult life lessons. 

So we turn to……….Ron Graves?????????……..Who is this guy?  What does he represent?  What is his agenda?   Can he lead us out of our ideological darkness into the light of our Rotary ideals?…….What's up with those shirts?????????????

Perhaps we should take a closer look

Review of new cabinet (yes, it is a cabinet!!!!)

·        Treasurer Delores Fanelli - ok, ok enough with the hat thing!!!!  Artsy type…that's always trouble……publishes a well-known left-wing (some would call it subversive) weekly newsletter….

·        Secretary Nancy Dishereits - innocent-looking, but extremely dangerous;  as treasurer, she cleverly designed her monthly reports so as to completely confuse the membership, some say,  to cover up the sinister deeds of the previous administration.

·        Vice-President Leslie Cotton - subversive type; has record of infiltrating governmental organizations and wreaking havoc by expanding services and public access – anyone that progressive must be up to no good……watch her!!!

·        President Rod Greaves - The king is dead!  Long live the king!!!   

Rotary International Intelligence has forwarded to us a dossier on this sinister-looking, sartorial horrorshow. It reads, in part, as follows:

 

1. A/k/a "RON GRAVES"…..few people know why…..fewer care

2. Redhaired - suspicion of 'touching up' to support his self-image of matinee idol

3. Perhaps a pound or two over his campaign-listed weight of 155 lbs.

4. Shameless craver of publicity - example, always acting up in the presence of  the media in order to get his picture in the paper

5. New Britain slumlord with a number of rat-infested properties owned together with reputed mobster Stephen Parsons, the Yugo automobile magnate

6. Is rumored to have a serious madras fetish

7. Secretly refers to the all-female members of his administration as "the dishes in his cabinet."

8. Given to dressing as either a lawn chair or as a as brightly colored ice-cream parlor awning.

9.  As a suck-up to visiting Rotary dignitaries, makes legendary brown-noser Bill Taylor look like Don Rickles. (Rod has recently stated that incoming District Governor, TOM VORHEES has been the most influential person in his life!)

A look at some of the proposed planks in President Ron Graves' platform for the upcoming year:

1.  Secretly really likes the “big turkey sandwich lunch” and has asked Teresa to have it twice as often in the coming year.

2.   Proposes to make Steve Parsons the official finer for his entire term, thereby thwarting the weekly Greaves/Parsons picture-in-the-paper fine.  However, this may not be a legal maneuver, according to Club legal counsel Joe (NO, this is NOT a football helmet) DePaolo, citing Rotary Rule 87-7B, which states, in part, that " when a shared slumlord relationship exists between a Club President and another member of the same Club, it is inadvisable to have co-exist between the same parties a relationship of President/Official Finer -  for obvious reasons"

3. He wants a real microphone to go along with the podium's microphone holder, regardless of the cost!

4. Wants to honor our women Rotarians with an annual "Chicks in Rotary" luncheon

5. Plans to pressure Bob Morton to diversify the Rotary Trust investment portfolio, possibly into real estate…..perhaps certain rat-invested real estate in New Britain.

6. Will propose skipping the annual dues to Rotary District 7890 and instead take a flyer on a really big powerball jackpot….when questioned about the wisdom of such and act, he defiantly says…HEY, YOU NEVER KNOW!!!!

There you have it.  He is not our ideal candidate, but he's all we've got right now and we must support him!!  Please give up a lukewarm Rotary welcome to our new president, Rod Greaves!

John Kennedy, Presenter

Southington Rotary 50th Anniversary Celebration at the Aqua Turf Club - 11/14/98

HOW OLD ARE WE NOW?
Ralph Riccio lights the ceremonial candle for the Rotary Club of Southington's 50th anniversary cake, as fellow past presidents, from left, Audrey Brown, Nanci Jaros, Thomas McKnerney, and Francis Massucci watch. The evening was memorable, despite the wrong beginning year on the cake. (The Observer 11/19/98; photo by Robin Michel)

Rotary Success (The Observer editorial 11/19/98)

Last weekend marked an important milestone in the history of one one the town's unsung organizations. The Rotary Club of Southington marked its half-century of providing selfless service to citizens. Over the years, thanks to the club, thousands of dollas have been donated to worthy causes. Students have received scholarships, the Red Cross was the proud recipient of a new ambulance, and internationally their support enabled the PolioPlus Campaign to reach its goal five years early to inoculate children in Third World countries against serious disease.

Members, who come from all sectors of the business world, continue with good fellowship upon which the first club was founded in Chicago in 1905. But more importantly is their dedication to providing 'Service Above Self' to people worldwide.

Undoubtedly, the first 50 years of the local chapter will prove to be the model as they carry their goodwill into the new millennium.

Article in The Observer 11/19/98