Friday, May 21, 1999

Rotary Club of Southington, 1999 Annual Installation Dinner


Induction of Rodney Greaves as Southington Rotary Club President

Well, folks – you saw it with your own eyes…….John Ryan, a fallen President…..it’s sad really, for he came to office with such lofty ideals…….Yet he became intoxicated with the power of the office…….and abused that power…..abused us, really…….and he, therefore left office in disgrace…..as did Nixon and McKnerney and Parsons before him……But we cannot dwell on these .we must learn from these difficult life lessons. 

So we turn to……….Ron Graves?????????……..Who is this guy?  What does he represent?  What is his agenda?   Can he lead us out of our ideological darkness into the light of our Rotary ideals?…….What's up with those shirts?????????????

Perhaps we should take a closer look

Review of new cabinet (yes, it is a cabinet!!!!)

·        Treasurer Delores Fanelli - ok, ok enough with the hat thing!!!!  Artsy type…that's always trouble……publishes a well-known left-wing (some would call it subversive) weekly newsletter….

·        Secretary Nancy Dishereits - innocent-looking, but extremely dangerous;  as treasurer, she cleverly designed her monthly reports so as to completely confuse the membership, some say,  to cover up the sinister deeds of the previous administration.

·        Vice-President Leslie Cotton - subversive type; has record of infiltrating governmental organizations and wreaking havoc by expanding services and public access – anyone that progressive must be up to no good……watch her!!!

·        President Rod Greaves - The king is dead!  Long live the king!!!   

Rotary International Intelligence has forwarded to us a dossier on this sinister-looking, sartorial horrorshow. It reads, in part, as follows:
 
1. A/k/a "RON GRAVES"…..few people know why…..fewer care
2. Redhaired - suspicion of 'touching up' to support his self-image of matinee idol
3. Perhaps a pound or two over his campaign-listed weight of 155 lbs.
4. Shameless craver of publicity - example, always acting up in the presence of  the media in order to get his picture in the paper
5. New Britain slumlord with a number of rat-infested properties owned together with reputed mobster Stephen Parsons, the Yugo automobile magnate
6. Is rumored to have a serious madras fetish
7. Secretly refers to the all-female members of his administration as "the dishes in his cabinet."
8. Given to dressing as either a lawn chair or as a as brightly colored ice-cream parlor awning.
9.  As a suck-up to visiting Rotary dignitaries, makes legendary brown-noser Bill Taylor look like Don Rickles. (Rod has recently stated that incoming District Governor, TOM VORHEES has been the most influential person in his life!)

A look at some of the proposed planks in President Ron Graves' platform for the upcoming year:
1.  Secretly really likes the “big turkey sandwich lunch” and has asked Teresa to have it twice as often in the coming year.
2.   Proposes to make Steve Parsons the official finer for his entire term, thereby thwarting the weekly Greaves/Parsons picture-in-the-paper fine.  However, this may not be a legal maneuver, according to Club legal counsel Joe (NO, this is NOT a football helmet) DePaolo, citing Rotary Rule 87-7B, which states, in part, that " when a shared slumlord relationship exists between a Club President and another member of the same Club, it is inadvisable to have co-exist between the same parties a relationship of President/Official Finer -  for obvious reasons"
3. He wants a real microphone to go along with the podium's microphone holder, regardless of the cost!
4. Wants to honor our women Rotarians with an annual "Chicks in Rotary" luncheon
5. Plans to pressure Bob Morton to diversify the Rotary Trust investment portfolio, possibly into real estate…..perhaps certain rat-invested real estate in New Britain.
6. Will propose skipping the annual dues to Rotary District 7890 and instead take a flyer on a really big powerball jackpot….when questioned about the wisdom of such and act, he defiantly says…HEY, YOU NEVER KNOW!!!!
There you have it.  He is not our ideal candidate, but he's all we've got right now and we must support him!!  Please give up a lukewarm Rotary welcome to our new president, Rod Greaves!

John Kennedy, Presenter

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